Seeking To Understand

Our capacity for compassion and understanding is truly boundless; and our ability to embrace it is truly a gift. Sure, it’s a learned habit to some extent, but I also believe that the source of it is not learned. It’s something that exists deep down in all of us. Some of us embrace it naturally, and some of us have to work hard to overcome our fears to let it open up inside of us.

I have, at various times, been a hater, lover, participant and rejecter of 12-step groups, their movtives and messages. Regardless of my 12-step group stances, however, I have come to wholly embrace one of their core messages, “Seek to understand rather than to be understood.”

It took me a long time to understand that phrase. The selfish me couldn’t let go of my fear of not being “understood back.” I’ve finally come to the conclusion that 12-step groups and the core principles of compassion are one and the same. When we seek to understand rather than be understood we are selfless. We are giving. We are compassionate. And as for being understood back, well the answer is easy. If we are all working to understand rather than be understood, then we are all giving and compassionate toward other. It’s just that simple.