Notes From A Mother To A Son

Seven months ago my mother died after suffering with a long-term illness. As I watched her fading I wondered which would be better, to have a parent go suddenly, in essence having the band-aid ripped off abruptly and suffering with the instantaneous pain of separation? Or to have a parent go slowly, watching the slow and painful decline, powerless to do anything to stop it, but having time to emotionally and physically prepare for the end. I came to the conclusion that neither is preferable over the other. The loss of a parent or loved one is just as painful, and it leaves a tremendous, gaping hole (what I have termed the "emotional crater") either way.
What I can say is that the last year of my mother's life gave me the unique opportunity. The opportunity to spend time with her and say the things to each other not everyone gets the chance to express when a separation like this is sudden or unexpected.
Realizing what was to come, my mother had the insight to write me a series of letters with instruction for them to be opened only after her passing. It took me seven months to bring myself to read them today on what would have been her 74th birthday.
Her letters were filled with loving words, memories, and most of all life advice imparted in the unique way only my mother could have expressed. Below are some of the passages from the various letters that touched me deeply. As her illness progressed, the handwriting my mother prided herself on began to deteriorate. I have transcribed a few somewhat illegible ones. The transcriptions are in quotation marks below the image. Based on that and the fact that some letters were dated and some not, I have tried to put them in as correct a chronological order as possible. Regardless of those factors, I hope her words will touch you and help you recognize or remind you of the preciousness of life and our place in it as she always tried so hard to instill in me.

"I will have an eternal smile in my heart because of you. I hope you will be always able to feel my hugs. My life has been very happy because of you & our family."

This is one of the most touching of my mom's four letters to me, addressing my relationship with my partner. I have blurred his name in order to preserve his privacy.

"When you have a sad or lonely time, reach out to others, find ways to reach out,

be determined to control your life. You have always been so determined & you always can be."