Ego Strength

I've finally assembled several pieces of my self-work together into a smoldering of sorts revelation It's not a James Joyce Flash of Epiphany, although sometimes they do happen to me that way. This is just sitting back and relaxing enough to allow the pieces to assemble themselves. Watching it fold into my ever-evolving self is an aspect self-awareness that is a joy to observe. That said...

My latest revelatory thought is that I can't be around folks with little to no ego strength. The APA Dictionary of Psychology defines ego strength as:

"...the ability of the ego to maintain an effective balance between the inner impulses of the id, the superego, and outer reality. An individual with a strong ego is thus one who is able to tolerate frustration and stress, postpone gratification, modify selfish desires when necessary, and resolve internal conflicts and emotional problems before they lead to neurosis."

My definition is much simpler. Ego strength is being able to exist in a situation that isn't always be about me. Having the self-confidence to ask how someone's day was without being disappointed if they don't ask me in return. Being interested in someone's work, hobby, a moment in their personal life, how the other person's family is, and especially having a deep
enough sense of self to apologize sincerely when wrong. In order to receive we must give. And paradoxically the more we give the more we receive. 

People with ego strength know when it's about them, and know when it's not. When you know what it is and have it, ego strength is one of the most centering, grounding things there is. And you can immediately recognize those that don't have it. And you can especially recognize those that fake it. Once you have this revelation, this sense of authenticity, there's no turning it off for convenience. You literally see the world in a completely different way. And it's liberating. 

The Message of the Hosta

I woke up early this morning and decided to take a walk before before walking the dog. The weight of this week's Supreme Court decision and a few other personal things have been weighing more than heavily on my mind. On my way out the door for my walk I noticed this Hosta.

It's always been there. Steadfast in its beauty like a silent, loving doorman bidding me safe travels as I leave and welcoming me home when I return  with its brilliant greens and beautiful flowers. It was a kind and gentle reminder that in these nationally and personally trying times there is such simple, elegant beauty all around to lift us up and remind us to never give up hope; proceed with a kind and gentle spirit. The beauty of nature and its messages are all around us. Not for us to take, but for us to share in and be a part of. We would do well to take slow, mindful walks each day, notice the beauty around us, and accept the gift that's being offered us. 

The Peace and Quiet of Peace and Quiet

A year and a half ago I decided to not have a television anymore. If I want to watch something I stream it through my laptop. My generous estimate is that I watch maybe two or three hours of programs a week. I have no TV squawking mindlessly in the background to distract me. I stream music either through my laptop or my Amazon Echos. Most days it's a welcome stimulation, and some days I don't feel like having anything playing. On those days the peace and quiet is wonderful. This morning, for instance, I don't feel like having music playing and it's gratifying to just be with me and my thoughts, nothing more. The restful and rejuvenating quality of that and the increase in my mindfulness is so enriching.

I've always been apprehensive of those who can't do that; people who always need some kind of noise going on. What are they afraid they'll find if they just sit quietly with themselves?

To Be Happy...

A neighbor posted this on Facebook and I thought it was very much worth sharing.

"You can have flaws, be anxious and even be angry, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can stop it from failing. You are appreciated, admired and loved by so many. Remember that being happy is not about having a sky without storm, a road without accidents, a job without effort, a relationship without disappointments.

"To be happy means to find strength in forgiveness, hope in battles, security in fear, love in discord. It's not only to enjoy the smile, but also to reflect on the sadness. It's not just about celebrating success; it's about learning from failures. It's not just about feeling happy with applause, it's about being happy in anonymous. Being happy is not a fatality of fate, but an achievement for those who can travel within themselves.

“To be happy is to stop feeling like a victim and become the author of your own fate. It's walking through deserts but being able to find an oasis deep in the soul. Being thankful every morning for the miracle of life. Being happy is not being afraid of your feelings and being able to talk about yourself. Have the courage to hear a “no” and find confidence in criticism, even when it’s unwarranted. It’s kissing your children, cuddling your parents, having poetic moments with your friends, even when they hurt us.

“Being happy is letting the creature that lives in each of us live, free, joyful and simple. You have the maturity to be able to say: ‘I've made mistakes.’It's having the courage to say I'm sorry. It's having the sense to say ‘I need you.’ Is having the ability to say ‘I love you.’ May your life become a garden of opportunities for happiness... that in spring he may be a lover of joy and in winter a lover of wisdom.

"And when you make a mistake, start over. Because only then will you be in love with life. You'll discover that being happy isn't having a perfect life. But use tears to irrigate tolerance. Use your defeats to train your patience.

"Use your mistakes with the serenity of the sculptor. Use pain to tune into pleasure. Use obstacles to open the windows of intelligence. Never give up. Above all never give up on the people that love you. Never give up on being happy, because life is an incredible spectacle."

Appreciation and the Almond Croissant

I've been learning to appreciate my appreciation of things. The other day I had an almond croissant and a cup of super strong, super black coffee with just a splash of Half and Half. I've always appreciated that morning treat, but I've never really stopped to 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 it: appreciating the appreciation. I think it has a lot to do with my awareness of and deep sense of satisfaction from simple, uncomplicated things. "Less is more" is a powerful truth. The other part of that is mindfulness. Learning to not only be fully cognizant of the moment one is in but to recognize its ability to ground and satisfy is a skill worth its weight in gold. All that from an almond croissant and coffee.