The Exercise of Spiritual Recentering

It's always amazing to me how much a trip to the gym can change my perspective. I've been feeling very hemmed in lately. Some of my friendships have become tiresome, my job has been frustrating, and in general my social life has seemed stagnant and stuck in a loop at best. That's just to name a few of things that feel dissatisfying lately. I realized yesterday that as I'm growing personally, some of my actions are stuck back in my old patterns of thinking and acting.  There's been a bored hopelessness that has crept into my everyday that has been difficult to snap out of. It's been a feeling of being trapped in a misery I can't escape and the resignation that life is always going to be this way; work and sleep, work and sleep. 

Enter my latest visit to the gym. On the treadmill this morning about 4 minutes into my 20-minute Fat Burn program I was flooded with a calm energy. The flow of endorphins created a deeper, more serene sense of "being" that came sharply into focus. The treadmills look west out floor-to-ceiling windows on the the parking lot and beyond that onto a large grove of trees. The morning was rainy and cold, but it was still the most spectacular view. Time and all the anxieties I was experience were being melted away. The endorphins were taking over. I was there in that timeless moment. My body was moving in a harmony of purpose greater than myself or the petty concerns that have been plaguing me. My brain was firing signals to my leg and arm muscles. All the muscle cells were responding with movement. I was literally walking my way out of the emotion and metaphysical trap I had been stuck in recently. All these things that were causing me anxiety and frustration were not how life had to be. There are choices I can make for myself. I can choose to remain frustrated and anxious. Or I can realize that on any journey there are course corrections that come along. I can recenter, refocus.  There is nothing that says I can't. I can use the loop I was stuck in to adjust course and add those lessons to my adjusted direction. In other words, those negative feelings can be teachers and guides. Nothing is static. Nothing is permanent. I can adjust and fine tune the journey any time I choose. 

60 and Act III

The approach to 60, albeit a year and three-and-a-half months away, is really having profound (that word is so cliche nowadays) effects on me. Some I can literally feel happening daily. I can go to bed one day with a certain feeling or way of thinking about some thing, someone, or some place only to wake up the next day ready shed that thing, person, or situation. The thing is, thouhg, I have no regrets about that sometimes-daily “culling”. The importance of people, places, things, and beliefs is changing rapidly. It would be easy to say it might seem a bit frightening not knowing what’s ahead. Yet I know for certain those holes being created are going to be filled with much more meaningful things; calm, “solid,” mindful, and centered things that are going to make Act III deeply rewarding and meaningful.

Ego Strength

I've finally assembled several pieces of my self-work together into a smoldering of sorts revelation It's not a James Joyce Flash of Epiphany, although sometimes they do happen to me that way. This is just sitting back and relaxing enough to allow the pieces to assemble themselves. Watching it fold into my ever-evolving self is an aspect self-awareness that is a joy to observe. That said...

My latest revelatory thought is that I can't be around folks with little to no ego strength. The APA Dictionary of Psychology defines ego strength as:

"...the ability of the ego to maintain an effective balance between the inner impulses of the id, the superego, and outer reality. An individual with a strong ego is thus one who is able to tolerate frustration and stress, postpone gratification, modify selfish desires when necessary, and resolve internal conflicts and emotional problems before they lead to neurosis."

My definition is much simpler. Ego strength is being able to exist in a situation that isn't always be about me. Having the self-confidence to ask how someone's day was without being disappointed if they don't ask me in return. Being interested in someone's work, hobby, a moment in their personal life, how the other person's family is, and especially having a deep
enough sense of self to apologize sincerely when wrong. In order to receive we must give. And paradoxically the more we give the more we receive. 

People with ego strength know when it's about them, and know when it's not. When you know what it is and have it, ego strength is one of the most centering, grounding things there is. And you can immediately recognize those that don't have it. And you can especially recognize those that fake it. Once you have this revelation, this sense of authenticity, there's no turning it off for convenience. You literally see the world in a completely different way. And it's liberating. 

How Do I Get To Carnegie Hall?

We've all heard that timeless joke, haven't we? There are those, however, who are under the delusion that some things don't need practice. They just happen without effort. We wouldn't be expected to sit down and produce a masterpiece the first time we try painting would we? Of course not. And no one's expecting us to play a Mozart piano piece like a virtuoso on the first try, are they? Nope. Just like getting to Carnegie Hall, these things take practice.

And it's no different with mindfulness. It's not something we breathe in or gain by osmosis. To achieve mindfulness we need to practice. A case in point, I found myself today dealing with a situation that was running me through all sorts of emotions. Anxiousness. Embarrassment. Despair. Elation. Hope, and at times a sense of helplessness. Then it hit me. I wasn't accepting these emotions, I was railing against them with gritted teeth and a heart pounding with anxiety. My mind had leapt miles and weeks ahead into a scenario that hadn't come to pass yet. I had forgotten all my practice. I wasn't being centered. I wasn't in the moment and being present. I wasn't being mindful. To get back to that state I returned to what I had practiced and seemed to work well for me. I concentrated on the exhale portion of my breathing. Within a few minutes, I was able to see through the muddied emotions, accept them, and embrace the core of my issue. I was in the moment. I was able to return to a mindful state.  

So if you want to be a good painter, practice painting. If you want to play the piano well, practice playing the piano. And if you want to be more mindful? 

"Hey friend, how do I get to mindfulness?"
"Practice."