Feeling, Knowing, Embracing

This came to me in my hypnagogic state early two mornings ago.

There are three stages to greater awareness; feeling, knowing, and embracing.

I'll use the example of mindfulness. 

One FEELS (has a vague notion or hint) mindfulness may have some benefits.

As the person begins putting mindfulness into practice they come to KNOW it’s something that works, helps, etc. 

Eventually the person reaches a point where deeper revelations present themselves. They don’t just feel or know it. They understand mindfulness not as a fact or tool to be implemented in some mechanical sense. They open themselves to EMBRACE it which expands their awareness of themselves and their surroundings.

The Body of Theseus

An odd thought occurred to me this morning. Is the human body a Ship of Theseus? Our cells are replacing themselves by countless numbers every second of every minute of every hour of every day. If that is so what really makes us who we are? Are we the same person we were at birth? I suspect not. It turns out it’s not the physical form that makes us who we are. We are indeed that Theseus ship. 

I’m certain when parts were replaced on the ship they weren’t replaced with parts exactly identical. A deck plank might have a slight warp the one before it did not, etc. So does that happen with us? Does one regenerated cell that is slightly misshapen from its predecessor change the others and down the line change our physical form slightly? The “infrastructure” that helped to create and contain our “essence” is being replaced daily, but the essence remains. This is one I’ll be pondering for a while.

Driver arrogance

Last night I was riding in a Lyft car on my way to dinner with friends. At an intersection the car in front honked and the driver gave the finger to a car and driver at the stop sign to our left. Apparently he wasn't moving through the intersection in the way the driver ahead of us would hve liked. Seeing that happen the oddest thought struck me completely out of the blue. I said to myself at that driver, “This place isn’t yours. You’re just a temporary tenant. Treat it respectfully. Asshole.” 

Such a strange thought to have to an event unrelated to it. Even down to such a granular level as cars at an intersection we think all of "this" was created for us. We believe it's here for our convenience and plunder. How sad and arrogant.

A Message

Oh, to live long enough to hear we've received a message from another race in the cosmos. To finally know for certain in the vast universe that we are not alone would comfort me. Even though the likelihood of us ever meeting would be next to nil, to know there are intelligent beings just as curious if we're out there as we are if they are.

That would be enough for me.

Mattering

I went to a birthday party last night. I had a couple cocktails, a gummy, saw lots of friends, sang happy birthday, and ate some really good food. You know what though? There’s a lot of the evening I feel I’ve outgrown. Yes, it was fun but being home comfortable and safe in my space would have been just as fun.

There are a good many things I find infinitely fulfilling; taking a walk, reading, listening to music, enjoying the companionship of my dog, the list goes on. These things touch a place in me where meaning and purpose flow from. I feel these things resonate there, spill out, and flood my essence. It anchors me in the moment with a deep, mindful, and self-aware joy. I’m not certain many others, if any, at that party last night feel or could understand that. The problems and frustrations of the day are all temporary matters. They are not constructions of the universe. They are complications we've designed to help us feel like we matter. The thing is we already do. Most don't slow down long enough to feel it all welling up from within themselves.

Moving through life aware of my own finiteness comforts me. I know the day will come when I cease to be and I will return from where I came. Knowing that as tiny as I am in the cosmos I played a part and I mattered. It wasn't my credit score, how much debt I amassed, what kind of car I drove, how big my house was, or how much money I had in my checking account. When the time comes it will be that I was self-aware enough to know simply being here mattered.