Centered On Self

There is a huge difference between being centered on self 
and being self-centered.

The Machine of the Universe

I had a very nice "moment of presence" at the gym this morning. The sun was just beginning to peek over the building (my gym's windows face west), and it was shimmering on a huge tree at the end of the parking lot. Every leaf seemed bright and vivid and intensely alive. The music I was listening to on my iPhone was the album, "Om: The Primordial Sound".* It's very meditative and puts me in a nice relaxed and focused zone. At the very moment the music hit a dramatic spot a flock of birds careened in front of the patch of leaves I described above. They shimmered for a brief moment in the sunlight as well. In that nanosecond it almost felt as if I wasn't in the gym, but away and part of some larger whole. My place in it fit like some tooth in a gear meshing with the notches in another gear. A tiny but integral cog in the machine of the universe. It was one of those moments where everything falls away and it's just you and the experience. In that brief flash you know beyond a doubt you are an integral part of something much bigger. *I highly recommend this album. It can be found on iTunes for those interested.

The Best I Can

I've spent a good portion of my life being a people pleaser and a perfectionist. That's a whole other series of blog posts. I've always chased perfection and made sure everyone else was happy, even if it was at the sacrifice of my own. Perfection is an illusion that only brings misery. A friend described that mentality as "perfectionist despair." 

About a week ago in a conversation with my partner I stumbled on to the best prescription for avoiding perfectionist despair and help with being a people pleaser. It's not complicated. It's just this simple, I say to myself or to others, "I do the best I can in the best way I know how." 

It's just that simple. It's liberating. It frees me from my panic and desperation to be perfect and please everyone else but myself. 

I do the best I can in the best way I know how. 

Secrets to a Happy Life

inn

Top of the Mountains

"...I’ve been to the top of money, I’ve had all the sex that I’ve ever wanted, I’ve had all of the adoration, I’ve been to the top of all those material world mountains and nothing makes you happy other than being useful to others. That’s it. That’s the only thing that ever will satisfy that thing, is that what you’re doing is useful.”
– Will Smith

The Only Thing We Have To Fear...

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

– Franklin Roosevelt

As I continue on my journey of personal discovery and growth, this phrase keeps coming back to me. It's ten simple words that I think are some of the most simple yet utterly profound. As I grow and learn more about myself the quote takes on different meanings.

For instance, place the emphasis on the word "fear."
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Now put the emphasis on the word "thing." "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Now "we." "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

See what I mean?

I've learned that fear permeates practically everything if we let it. Fear is the ultimate paralyzer. It freezes us in place, whether that be trying a new entree at a restaurant, asking that person we've always thought was cute out on a date, or more tragically, staying in a miserable job because we fear rejection and change.

I've learned to identify my fear in a situation and label it as just that, fear. Once I do that I realize that it's not the thing or situation or person or event I fear. It's simply me letting fear hold me back.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Indeed. Thank you, Mr. Roosevelt.

Follow Your Bliss

Here's a conversation with Bill Moyers and the great Joseph Campbell. I listen to this every morning. I hope you enjoy it and find inspiration in it as I do. Click on the picture to follow
the link.

Dreamers of the Day

“All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.” 

– T.E. Lawrence

Perspectives and Pigeon Holes

I love the way a trip can give a person perspective. It's like a reverse microscope. The further one gets away from “life back home,” the details of that life come finer, more intricate, not fuzzier. One can see the individual parts of that life and how they all interact with one another.

That said, I’ve been feeling some anxiety lately. I'm starting nursing school in the fall of this year, and it's been causing a nebulous churning inside me. It’s an uneasiness I’ve been having difficulty identifying and getting my brain around. My recent weekend getaway to San Francisco helped me get perspective though, and I realized some things about myself that helped.

One, I’m a pigeon-holer. I like everything in its own neat, little, organized cubby hole. And if it’s not, that’s where anxiety takes root for me. Facets of a task or some aspect of my life just “hanging out there” unorganized or unassigned to some schedule or framework I’ve devised in my head makes me nervous. Two, I realized I’m not afraid of or nervous about tackling and comprehending the academic aspects of nursing school. I have no doubt or concern about that what so ever.

And there’s where the perspective comes in. Being away from my "home self" for a while, I was able to see my nebulous worry from afar which helped me to observe it objectively and identify its parts. The uneasiness wasn’t the academic challenges ahead. It was the almost impossible schedule I’d created in my head. I was so focused on the how of it all. I kept fretting over how will all the parts of my life (work, school, social, relationships, etc.) interact and fit together. I was so focused on that that I lost sight of appreciating the moment and staying present. My anxiety was stealing my joy and sense of accomplishments thus far in getting to where I'm at.

I realized I can only address what’s in front of me. The parts out of my control are just that, out of my control. The future can’t be organized or pigeon-holed. I can prepare for the future in the here and now, definitely. There is nothing wrong with that. I cannot, however, control my future. Coming to this revelation, understanding that and giving up the senseless frustration of trying to control the future was a revelation and another major step in my growth.