Fear Itself

A thought popped into my head at the gym this morning. “Stop being afraid of things you’re not willing to work on.”

I’m always surprised when I look closer at a situation, thing, etc, that's causing me some hesitation. It’s never fear of the thing itself holding me back. It’s the fear of it, the notion of fear I’ve twisted up in my head. I manage sometimes to pervert that fear into a critique on my being. If I was more _______ I wouldn’t be holding myself back (ie, if I was better or perfect.) Catching the thoughts is now the most fascinating part. Seeing how deeply that thought pattern is engrained in me is intriguing. How long ago was that seed of self-doubt placed in me? What was the incident that caused it? 

As a friend said when I told him all this, "I'm some ways, I'm more afraid of being afraid than I am of the thing itself. I'm afraid of the emotional state I'll find myself in, and yet ironically THAT is within my control."

It's like FDR said about the only thing to fear is the fear itself, not the thing causing the fear. For me I imagine my fear as a wadded up, used Brillo pad. It’s all scratchy looking and full of gunk. I picture it laying in a counter and I’m staring at it. Doing that helps me separate from my irrational thinking (fear) and helps put it in its place or in its context. If I can see it as being outside of me, like the Brillo pad, that helps me get my brain around it and alleviate its hold on me.