The Exercise of Spiritual Recentering

It's always amazing to me how much a trip to the gym can change my perspective. I've been feeling very hemmed in lately. Some of my friendships have become tiresome, my job has been frustrating, and in general my social life has seemed stagnant and stuck in a loop at best. That's just to name a few of things that feel dissatisfying lately. I realized yesterday that as I'm growing personally, some of my actions are stuck back in my old patterns of thinking and acting.  There's been a bored hopelessness that has crept into my everyday that has been difficult to snap out of. It's been a feeling of being trapped in a misery I can't escape and the resignation that life is always going to be this way; work and sleep, work and sleep. 

Enter my latest visit to the gym. On the treadmill this morning about 4 minutes into my 20-minute Fat Burn program I was flooded with a calm energy. The flow of endorphins created a deeper, more serene sense of "being" that came sharply into focus. The treadmills look west out floor-to-ceiling windows on the the parking lot and beyond that onto a large grove of trees. The morning was rainy and cold, but it was still the most spectacular view. Time and all the anxieties I was experience were being melted away. The endorphins were taking over. I was there in that timeless moment. My body was moving in a harmony of purpose greater than myself or the petty concerns that have been plaguing me. My brain was firing signals to my leg and arm muscles. All the muscle cells were responding with movement. I was literally walking my way out of the emotion and metaphysical trap I had been stuck in recently. All these things that were causing me anxiety and frustration were not how life had to be. There are choices I can make for myself. I can choose to remain frustrated and anxious. Or I can realize that on any journey there are course corrections that come along. I can recenter, refocus.  There is nothing that says I can't. I can use the loop I was stuck in to adjust course and add those lessons to my adjusted direction. In other words, those negative feelings can be teachers and guides. Nothing is static. Nothing is permanent. I can adjust and fine tune the journey any time I choose. 

Kenshō

The other day I had one of those "timeless" kenshō moments. I was walking from the kitchen to the dining room with my lunch soup. I felt “hyper present” like every step was almost eternal. Not in length of time but more like each step was moving through everything all at the same time. In those kenshō flashes I have the overwhelming sense of an understanding and belonging to everything. I can feel everything. It always gives me an overwhelming sense of centeredness and calm. The troubles and cares of the day and life drop like loose clothing. I feel totally unencumbered and peaceful.

In that flash nothing had any of the importances we assign them. There was no stress or concern. It’s a vulnerable sensation, but one that also feels comfortable.


For past kenshō blog entries and a better understanding of it, visit the links below.

Kenshō and Satori

Kenshō - Wikipedia

Satori - Wikipedia

60 and Act III

The approach to 60, albeit a year and three-and-a-half months away, is really having profound (that word is so cliche nowadays) effects on me. Some I can literally feel happening daily. I can go to bed one day with a certain feeling or way of thinking about some thing, someone, or some place only to wake up the next day ready shed that thing, person, or situation. The thing is, thouhg, I have no regrets about that sometimes-daily “culling”. The importance of people, places, things, and beliefs is changing rapidly. It would be easy to say it might seem a bit frightening not knowing what’s ahead. Yet I know for certain those holes being created are going to be filled with much more meaningful things; calm, “solid,” mindful, and centered things that are going to make Act III deeply rewarding and meaningful.

The Calm Inside the Storm

I have a very "settled" feeling today that I can't quite describe. It's a combination of self-awareness, mindfulness, a sense of inner security, and confidence. I "feel" the confidence to be relaxed, present, and a part of the flow of everything. All the puzzle pieces are fitting today. It feels "cozy" if that can be the word for it. Everything is vivid and intensely "now." 

It seems when I shut out the chaos of the outside is when I feel this way most. Even though I love them very much and we're all very close, in moments like these I don't want my friends around me. They will contaminate the moment with their lack of understanding or willingness to try and understand. People always try to sully what they don't understand. 

I'm incredibly secure and self-aware in this state. Everything is harmonious and "as it should be." While I can't know what the path ahead is, I can feel it and I know I'm on it to the degree I should be. It's another strange sensation that's hard to put into words. 

It's the calm inside the storm of the world around me. Shutting out the chaos and living in my internal harmony. It's welcoming, powerful, and snug.

The Joy of Hyperpresence

This morning I'm flooded with an overwhelming sense of calm and place. It's a feeling of "I am RIGHT HERE. I'm in THIS MOMENT." There's nothing ahead to be anxious about, and the past isn't something regrettable. It's just lessons to be assimilated. It's a kind of hyper reality and sense of deep satisfaction. I don't have the biggest place, the fanciest car, the most expensive stuff, and I'm not famous or rich. But I'm right here, right now, and I'm fantastically content feeling me feet firmly and serenely planted in the moment. It's a term I call "hyperpresence."