Dreams of My Mother

I recently started a blog to catalog and explore my dreams. I'm a extremely vivid dreamer, a frequent lucid dreamer, and I also dream in color. I love to dream and welcome sleep each night so as to begin the night's adventures. I that blog as a way for me to better understand and share what my unconscious mind is wanting me to know. That said, I've been having dreams involving my mother more and more frequently of late. Visit the link to read my dream involving her and to visit previous entries as well. 

Dreams of My Mother

Fiendish Jones and the Need for Permission

Earlier this morning I was just feeding my Frenchie Rufus and doing some cleaning and rearranging in the kitchen when (to me) a profound and probably obvious thought occurred to me. 

I've been operating in my new apartment space with a sort of unconscious need for permission from some nebulous "persona" out there. Even something as simple as where I'm putting the toaster on the countertop became a battle for permission. What if "someone" doesn't like it there? What if they don't approve of my choice of toaster color? What if they criticize my choices?! And on and on it went.

In the moment where I realized fully what I was doing to myself a name came to me as if someone opened my head and plopped it right into my brain. Fiendish Jones. He's basically Snidely Whiplash (for those of you not old enough to remember the cartoon Dudley Do-Right of the Mounties Snidely was Dudley's arch nemesis.) He's the voice that lurks just out of range of my consciousness that criticizes every decision I make. He has a top hat and cape and a long mustache that he twirls as he laughs manically at mentally cornering me yet again. I've constantly found myself asking his permission for just about everything I do.

I didn't even realize until this morning I was operating under this kind of imaginary criticism. Now that I know this, now that I've moved from ignorance to knowledge, from knowing to embracing, I understand that I don't need to seek or be that needy for permission about anything.

What a revelation.

Beer Cap Fortunes

Last night I cracked open a beer and this was on the inside of the bottle cap. I've never even paid attention to a beer bottle cap before! It’s so funny for that to pop up right now. I've found myself being at another fork in life’s road so this seemingly innocent little beer cap fortune had a far greater significance for me. It seems The Universe is always finding clever ways to get the message through. Some people would say this is like a Rorschach test or horoscope, reading into it what you want, making the message fit the situation. The difference for me is that I'm finding the more mindful and self-aware I'm becoming the more these kinds of cosmic communications seem to happen. A friend says this is tapping into the power of unconscious. Perhaps he's right. Perhaps tapping into the power of that unconscious is tapping into The Universe as well?