The Storm of Distraction

I've recently experienced a personal setback. Some days it has left me panicked and angry. I wind up allowing then negativity in and within an hour I'm emotionally helpless, full of despair and lacking any confidence what so ever. However, when I change my setting (taking a walk, going and sitting in another room, etc.) I begin to emerge from those feelings. I've realized coming off those feelings is like driving in thunderstorm. I'm gripping the steering wheel and the adrenaline is pumping me full of fear and doubt. Suddenly I've driven out of the storm and everything is sunny and calm. I realize I was safe and being sensible and focused the entire time. I allowed the storm steal my confidence and take control. All the while I was centered the entire time. The base of my confidence was never taken away, I just let something distract me from relying on it and believing in it.

Sunrise Serenity

Sitting with my coffee in the early morning quiet. I can’t fully express just much I love this. It is the most centered and peaceful moment of the day. Watching out the window as the sun comes up I think it’s the time when the day still belongs to nature; we haven’t cluttered it up yet with our noise and nonsense. I actually feel like nature is allowing me to be a part of their morning. As my friend Dan says, "I love the early morning period before anyone else gets up. The day changes when they do." Indeed so. By 9am the secret of the early hours is over. For now though, I will simply cherish the moment and be humbled by my part in it. 

Micro to Macrocosm

I was walking my dog Rufus earlier this morning when he paused for some serious sniffing near the neighbor's fence. Next to me was a corner brick column that anchors the fence with a large, square cement capital. While Rufus was busy sniffing around I noticed the top of the capital was covered in various lichens of different shapes and colors. Also on top were a multitude of ants scurrying about. That's when several acute thoughts struck me.

In this spot were a variety of species that inhabit the planet. Lichens, ants, trees, grasses, a canine, and a human, just to name a few. The lichens, considered by some to be the oldest living organisms on the planet, are beneficial to both trees and animals. The ants were tirelessly going about whatever their business was, probably unaware or unconcerned with the lichens. The grass and trees were soaking up the sunlight, busy with their photosynthetic business. They were unaware or unconcerned with the ants who in turn were unaware or unconcerned with the lichens. The canine was busy sniffing the ground unaware (and definitely unconcerned!) about the photosynthesis going on around it by the plant life that was indifferent to the ants who were indifferent to the lichens. The human was the only one to realize the profound nature of the moment. We were all living in our own realities, our own universes, and yet all existing in the vast and beautifully overlapping Venn diagram of life in the cosmos.

I will move through my day a little more in awe and little more humbly and tenderly.

The Comfort in Collapse

I was just talking with my upstairs neighbor a few minutes ago. He’s the recycling cop for the building. He goes through the trash and picks our the recyclable things people have carelessly thrown away, then drives them to the nearby recycling center. We were talking about microplastics and how they have now been found in the human bloodstream. It gave me an odd sense of resignation mixed with comfort.

For people my age, 60ish, down to people roughly in their 40s, I think are the last great generation of humans. Despite our best efforts, I'm afraid it's pretty much downhill from here. Yes, we can create massive solar or wind farms to be more renewable energy conscious. Yes, we can drive electric cars or bicycle. But plastic is going to be our undoing. Plastic will choke and kill our oceans, pollute our lands for thousands of years, and now, poison our bodies. Sadly, despite my and the collective efforts of so many others, the tide is just too large to overcome and I feel an immense sadness about that, and yet it's comforting in a strange way.

Being an introvert I spend a large amount of time by myself. I value and treasure that "Me Time." I meditate, employ mindfulness practices daily as often as possible, eat as little meat as possible, and recycle the crap out of everything. This is where the strange sense of comfort comes in. As strange as it may sound, watching our greed destroying the planet from the safety of my own emotional and physical solitude is what gives me that comfort. Will I keep doing the things I'm doing and educating others where possible? Absolutely. Resigning myself to the situation, however, and accepting the larger reality it brings me a sense of peace. I can let go of the desperation and embrace the inevitability of what's coming while still trying every day to make it as better as possible. When it all collapses and the air is no longer fit to breathe and the planet has gone to war over water, I will sit and sip my coffee and read my books. I will let it swirl right on by, accepting the fate of it all knowing I did the best I could. That will be enough for me.