The Comfort in Collapse

I was just talking with my upstairs neighbor a few minutes ago. He’s the recycling cop for the building. He goes through the trash and picks our the recyclable things people have carelessly thrown away, then drives them to the nearby recycling center. We were talking about microplastics and how they have now been found in the human bloodstream. It gave me an odd sense of resignation mixed with comfort.

For people my age, 60ish, down to people roughly in their 40s, I think are the last great generation of humans. Despite our best efforts, I'm afraid it's pretty much downhill from here. Yes, we can create massive solar or wind farms to be more renewable energy conscious. Yes, we can drive electric cars or bicycle. But plastic is going to be our undoing. Plastic will choke and kill our oceans, pollute our lands for thousands of years, and now, poison our bodies. Sadly, despite my and the collective efforts of so many others, the tide is just too large to overcome and I feel an immense sadness about that, and yet it's comforting in a strange way.

Being an introvert I spend a large amount of time by myself. I value and treasure that "Me Time." I meditate, employ mindfulness practices daily as often as possible, eat as little meat as possible, and recycle the crap out of everything. This is where the strange sense of comfort comes in. As strange as it may sound, watching our greed destroying the planet from the safety of my own emotional and physical solitude is what gives me that comfort. Will I keep doing the things I'm doing and educating others where possible? Absolutely. Resigning myself to the situation, however, and accepting the larger reality it brings me a sense of peace. I can let go of the desperation and embrace the inevitability of what's coming while still trying every day to make it as better as possible. When it all collapses and the air is no longer fit to breathe and the planet has gone to war over water, I will sit and sip my coffee and read my books. I will let it swirl right on by, accepting the fate of it all knowing I did the best I could. That will be enough for me.

The Loneliness of Meaning

Being an introvert and empath can be a lonely thing sometimes. I find myself now and then feeling lost, not knowing where to turn next or what to do next. Sometimes I feel that hole inside so strongly. Like this morning. I feel directionless. I feel so much of the gropingly desperate despair that's out there, all that forced adherence to what we as society have conditioned ourselves to. Right now it's all crowding in on me demanding my attention. I know what's fueling that, too, Suffice to say there are certain "empath triggers" that turn these deeper feelings of despair for humanity on, which in turn aggravates my introversion and empathic nature. Don't misuderstand, I enjoy being alone. I value my Me Time. Now and then, however it all seems desperate and well, pathetic. When I'm my dad's age, will I have spent my entire life alone? Will I have regrets about it? What will my life have meant? Will I have played it safe or will I have turned my back on conditioned society and gone my own way? Will it have been worth it? Today I honestly don't know the answer to those questions. I don't if there's even supposed be an answer. Probably not. The curiosity and pondering that seems to be inherent to humans is what really keeps us moving forward, isn't it? Perhaps I'm projecting in ways I don't need to. There's no need to ponder the future to the point of worry. Worry is a dividend paid to something that hasn't happened and may not. Fearful adherence, as I heard someone recently put it, is no good. But dammit, what does it all mean?!

Funny thing is, I know what the remedies for these times are. Writing, meditation, the gym, healthy eating, focusing on my conscious awareness, yoga, tai chi, or just great music filling up my living space. I've finally realized that in life the lessons never ends. It's an ongoing, lifelong thing. There is no destination, no arrival point, only stops along the way. I have to remember that. 

The Strength of Introverts

 

We're told that quiet is 'boring' and 'loud' is fun."
— Sena Shimotsuma, "The Strengths of Introverts"

If you're an introvert like me, I highly recommend checking out some of Sena Shimotsuma's videos. He's incredibly insightful and has a unique perspective that I appreciate. Click on the image above for the link to his "The Strength of Introverts" video the above quote is from. Enjoy.