Successful versus Satisfied

There's a difference between a successful life and a satisfied one. A satisfied one is better. Success is measured by others. Satisfaction is measured by our own soul, mind, and heart.

Mindfulness

I don't have to be anyone other than who I am.
I don't have to be anywhere other than where I am.
I do have to be do anything other than what I'm doing.

Dreams

I'm not certain if I've ever written about my dreams. I've always had incredibly vivid dreams. I can clearly remember dreams I had over a decade ago. My dreams never have anyone I know in them. The people in my dreams are always strangers to me. That said, my dream a few nights ago was particularly vivid and potent.

I was standing in the desert on a tall dune. The sand was a very light, yet rich, tan color. The mountains in the distance were a dark chocolate color and extremely craggy and sharp. Above me were thin, wispy, bleach white cirrus clouds floating in a light blue sky. The sky seemed to be like a low-hanging ceiling (think of basement's that you have to lower your head to walk through because the ceiling above is lower than usual.) The sky was vast and expansive and I could easily see its curvature.

A woman appeared beside me and the sky began to rotate overhead. She pointed to one area coming over the horizon and it was a round, craggy break in the sky as if someone took a hammer and shattered a hole in it. Through that craggy opening I could see what was beyond the boundary of the sky ceiling. It was an even deeper blue sky, almost cerulean. My impression was that this was a sphere outside the sky ceiling above me rotating independently. In it (on it?) were painted stars, planets, moons, and other celestial bodies. The style was that of vintage woodcuts or illustrations, much like the kind in the image above. The heavenly bodies were shimmering as if they were drawn or painted with gold. As that rotated by, other craggy holes rotated past in the sky ceiling with similar things to see through them, all in that shimmering gold in the same deep, cerulean blue sky.

The woman never said anything but pointed to each opening as it rolled past. My sense was that she was showing me the "more" of the situation or place and my awe and wonder was overwhelming. She was making me see there was more to life. More to what is going on. More than what we can perceive or that we allow ourselves to be aware of. If we just look a bit beyond our range we can see and understand so much more.

The Happiness of Presence

Just now walking into the gym I was feeling so present and, to be honest, so unencumberedly happy. It wasn’t a bouncy, "leap-around-off-park-benches-in-a-musical" happy. It was a happiness of presence. “I’m here. Right now. In this very moment.”

I realized a good portion of that is from my time off (my company graciously gives us the week between Christmas and New Year's off). Since last Thursday I’ve not been shackled by burdens of my job. No stress, no strain, no mental pretzeling to navigate. For the last five days I’ve done as I pleased when I pleased. I’ve had serious Me Time to head in any direction I choose. Read some, nap some, cook, eat, write, workout, listen to music, spend time with friends, etc. In doing so I’ve formed that perspective of distance I love so much. I’ve been able to see my job for the toxic environment it is and how it intertwines on my psyche and causes discomfort and anxiety. I've realized (even though I knew it already) that no one needs to live that way. It's not worth it.

That kind of presence is true freedom right there!

The Curiosity of My Bookshelves

I was putting some new books on my bookshelf just now. Afterward, I started rearranging some, all the Isaac Asimov together, all the John Irving together, all the Italo Calvino together, etc. Looking at the book shelves as a whole my reading interests run the gamut from science fiction and religion explorations to biographies and politics. 

I realized looking at all those books that I'm so glad I don't have to explain or apologize to anyone for my curiosities.