The Ugly House

I just had a nice discussion with a friend about happiness. I asked him the simple question, "Are you happy?" That started a larger conversation in which I used a great metaphor to describe the self work I've been doing the past few years. It's no secret, and I don't shy away the fact, that I've been in therapy for several years now and it's been an incredible experience. I recommend it to anyone and everyone as a tool to help better understand one's self. I've combined that with my mindfulness, non-attachment, and conscious awareness practices as tools in my "Utility Belt" that I use daily. 

The metaphor for all this I used with my friend was that I am a house covered in decades of old, chipping, cracked, and gnarly paint. All the things I mentioned above are the tools that have become my paint scrapers. They help me to get rid of the layers of "old paint." Years of conditioning being removed with purpose and love to reveal the wonderful house underneath all the gunk.

Being

I always start my day not by asking, "What am I going to do today?" I always start my day by asking, "How am I going to be today?" 

It's surprising what an enormous difference a simple reframing of the question makes.

What Lies Beyond

One of my oldest and dearest friends has been facing the challenge of cancer that has spread to his bones (bone metastasis or "bone mets") that originated as prostate cancer. He faces this new challenge in his life with a sense of mindfulness, presence, and positive attitude. To those around him his attitude has been a balm for coming to terms with and accepting the (more than likely) inevitable conclusion of the situation. He messaged me this morning with an old quote of his he'd stumbled across. 

“At some point, the neural circuits will shut down, the lights of consciousness will wink out, and the long nighty-night will begin. And we will be freed from all human concerns by the gift of nonexistence. But until that point, we live still. After that point, we will be in precisely the same place we were before we were born. Not there, not anywhere and without a care.”

This is classic thought and attitude of my dear friend. I regret that his quote is spot-on. I regret what it means for all of us who will eventually leave behind those who have loved us and cherished our presence. It conjures questions and thoughts which have been pondered since time began. The curiosity of what lies beyond is titillating to say the least. We want to believe in something more. Everything we do has a beginning and an end. But those ends are always the beginnings of something else. We can't comprehend the notion of nothingness. Countless humans and histories have come before we joined this current one. Countless humans and histories will come after us. To try and wrap our brains around the notion that we will no longer "be" is difficult. To embrace that there may be nothing is onerous. It's not a dark room with no sound and all we have to do is open the door onto "the present." It's literally nothing. Can that possibly be? If we are energy beings in a particular form, and if energy can be neither created, or more importantly hopeful here, nor destroyed, do we transmogrify into something else? Sometime more? Something more "universal"? Are we caterpillars who become other-dimensional butterflies? Will we be able to observe old friends and loved ones "back here"? If "there" exists will we have emotions there? Will we join up with old friends and family who've been waiting for us in our new, possibly higher form? Do our energies attach to one another even in the wherever-that-may-be? I can't imagine that there will be emotions or thoughts as we know them. As sure as his quote says, we will most certainly be without a care. 

The Calm Inside the Storm

I have a very "settled" feeling today that I can't quite describe. It's a combination of self-awareness, mindfulness, a sense of inner security, and confidence. I "feel" the confidence to be relaxed, present, and a part of the flow of everything. All the puzzle pieces are fitting today. It feels "cozy" if that can be the word for it. Everything is vivid and intensely "now." 

It seems when I shut out the chaos of the outside is when I feel this way most. Even though I love them very much and we're all very close, in moments like these I don't want my friends around me. They will contaminate the moment with their lack of understanding or willingness to try and understand. People always try to sully what they don't understand. 

I'm incredibly secure and self-aware in this state. Everything is harmonious and "as it should be." While I can't know what the path ahead is, I can feel it and I know I'm on it to the degree I should be. It's another strange sensation that's hard to put into words. 

It's the calm inside the storm of the world around me. Shutting out the chaos and living in my internal harmony. It's welcoming, powerful, and snug.

Shifting the "I"

"We're quiet. We aren't dancing to the culture's drum. And we are silent inside. That silence is there so that we can hear our intuitive wisdom. This culture sees life as collecting experiences. But [awakening] is an emptying out and beginning to experience the moment, what's happening right now...

It's also the witness... You stand outside the action. Shifting perspective takes the suffering away... You are shifting the "I." When you get into "I" as the witness, you can experience your life as a movie. Then there is no more suffering. Because the soul doesn't suffer.

At the ego level, the sensory level, there is pain. But you aren't fighting it anymore, and you're not afraid of it, and that releases you from its grip..."

~Ram Dass~