Don't Be Duped

It's a heavy revelation when you realize you’ve been duped into living someone else’s goals or plans. Realizing you’ve been tricked into thinking that their life is your life is a real eye-opener. Some people never figure it out and live their entire lives fulfilled only to the point that the other person manipulates them into believing is a full life. How terrible.

Absurdity & Sadness

I just saw one of those clickbait article links in the side panel on Facebook a few minutes ago. The headline was, "Inside Liza Minnelli's abandoned $26 million dollar mansion."

The first thought that flashed in my head was the absurdity of a twenty six million dollar home.

The second was a weird sadness knowing that all that luxury didn't buy her any more happiness.

The Bankruptcy of Ego

I've come to realize there are those out there whose ego will bankrupt them. I'm not talking about just financial bankruptcy, either. It also includes emotional and spiritual bankruptcy. Case in point: A friend just extended the lease on his car for another six months until February 2022. In the meantime he'll be shopping for another car. No problem you say? Well, he told me yesterday that if he finds one he likes, he'll just have to make double payments for a few months. Whaaaaaat?! And it can't be a nice used car either, mind you. It has to be a new car. So in order to feed his ego he's going to be making lease payments on one car while making another set of payments on another car he simply has to have. 

I honestly feel sorry for people like this. Their ego is holding them hostage and they can't even see it. I'm two things primarily: a minimalist and a "slow and steady wins the race" person. I don't want what I don't have. My furniture isn't from a high-end store. My clothes are mostly from Target, I shop for groceries at a small locally-owned grocery at the end of my block (they have TONS of incredible fruit and produce, some things I've never seen before!) and the prices are very cheap. I also believe in a steady pace through life. I quietly and methodically let my savings grow. I put a certain amount in savings each Sunday, and any time I get a raise, a portion of the difference in pay either goes to my retirement fund or my savings account. Slowly and steadily I'm planning for my retirement. I don't live a flashy lifestyle, nor would I want to. I am so content being in my home on a Saturday night with my Frenchie Rufus, a nice drink, a good book, good food, and good music. Simple pleasures. 

So when I see people trying so hard to jump through the hoops their egos have constructed for them I back away. It's like coming upon a skyscraper on fire. I simply turn down a different street and avoid all that chaos and drama lest I become a part of the situation. Life is much better and simpler that way. 

I Don't Fucking Care

When a person says, "I just don't fucking care anymore," it sounds like they're giving up. In reality it's not defeat. It's liberation.

Fear Itself

A thought popped into my head at the gym this morning. “Stop being afraid of things you’re not willing to work on.”

I’m always surprised when I look closer at a situation, thing, etc, that's causing me some hesitation. It’s never fear of the thing itself holding me back. It’s the fear of it, the notion of fear I’ve twisted up in my head. I manage sometimes to pervert that fear into a critique on my being. If I was more _______ I wouldn’t be holding myself back (ie, if I was better or perfect.) Catching the thoughts is now the most fascinating part. Seeing how deeply that thought pattern is engrained in me is intriguing. How long ago was that seed of self-doubt placed in me? What was the incident that caused it? 

As a friend said when I told him all this, "I'm some ways, I'm more afraid of being afraid than I am of the thing itself. I'm afraid of the emotional state I'll find myself in, and yet ironically THAT is within my control."

It's like FDR said about the only thing to fear is the fear itself, not the thing causing the fear. For me I imagine my fear as a wadded up, used Brillo pad. It’s all scratchy looking and full of gunk. I picture it laying in a counter and I’m staring at it. Doing that helps me separate from my irrational thinking (fear) and helps put it in its place or in its context. If I can see it as being outside of me, like the Brillo pad, that helps me get my brain around it and alleviate its hold on me. 

Loneliness

“If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.”
— Jean-Paul Sartre

Our Brief History

We think life is long. It's not. We're just a teeny blip on the timeline. A tiny gear in the machine of the Universe. So we need to grab all the joy and happiness we can and never, ever live with regret no matter what. Something in your life not what you want or not bringing you joy? Don't waste a single moment more on it. Dump it and don't look back. Do not come to the end of it all having regrets over missed opportunities. 

Someone said when Death comes and takes the first bite out of them, they want it to be the juiciest, most delicious bite Death has ever taken. Death will realize this was a person who lived a full life and squeezed every last drop out of it. 

I couldn't agree more.