The Happiness of Presence

Just now walking into the gym I was feeling so present and, to be honest, so unencumberedly happy. It wasn’t a bouncy, "leap-around-off-park-benches-in-a-musical" happy. It was a happiness of presence. “I’m here. Right now. In this very moment.”

I realized a good portion of that is from my time off (my company graciously gives us the week between Christmas and New Year's off). Since last Thursday I’ve not been shackled by burdens of my job. No stress, no strain, no mental pretzeling to navigate. For the last five days I’ve done as I pleased when I pleased. I’ve had serious Me Time to head in any direction I choose. Read some, nap some, cook, eat, write, workout, listen to music, spend time with friends, etc. In doing so I’ve formed that perspective of distance I love so much. I’ve been able to see my job for the toxic environment it is and how it intertwines on my psyche and causes discomfort and anxiety. I've realized (even though I knew it already) that no one needs to live that way. It's not worth it.

That kind of presence is true freedom right there!

The Curiosity of My Bookshelves

I was putting some new books on my bookshelf just now. Afterward, I started rearranging some, all the Isaac Asimov together, all the John Irving together, all the Italo Calvino together, etc. Looking at the book shelves as a whole my reading interests run the gamut from science fiction and religion explorations to biographies and politics. 

I realized looking at all those books that I'm so glad I don't have to explain or apologize to anyone for my curiosities. 

The Holiday Blizzard and the Gift of Me Time

The first snowflakes of the "Christmas Blizzard" Elliot have started to fall here. In anticipation of it grocery stores have had the usual emptying out. People stocking up on everything from toilet paper to chicken breast have left the store shelves almost empty. The different reactions of people is interesting to me. While it's good to be prepared, for sure, there's no need to panic. Some people hoard items like it's the end of the world is coming.

Some, like me, greet the coming blizzard with a welcoming attitude. Due to the storm I cancelled traveling to see my dad. This is the first time in my life I've not been with family for Christmas. My Frenchie Rufus is traveling to Los Angeles with my ex to spend the holiday with his family. So I have from today until the end of the holiday weekend to myself.  While this probably sounds sad, I'm not sad at all. Sure, I will miss being with my dad and my dog, but the up side is I have lots of Me Time. I have several things I'm looking forward to: doing some blog entries like this, leisure cooking, finishing two of the books I'm reading, and doing some deep meditation sessions, to name a few. 

It seems the older I get these personal, Me Time inward journeys and activities get more and more rewarding. They help create a nice, centered, spiritual feeling within that I love.

The Message of the Trees

I've always had an affinity for trees. They are living creatures just as much and you, me, and every other living thing on the planet. When I take my walks I always touch as many as I can. I like to think they recognize my touch and welcome my acknowledgement of them. I call them our Silent Sentinels. I was sitting in a fast food drive thru one afternoon this past Fall. My sunroof was open and I heard the tree in this video rustling in the breeze. This tree was talking. Sending out its message for all to hear. They are a wise species with eons of insights to share with us. If we listen.

Empathy and the Mouse

A few nights ago I was taking my dog Rufus out for his last walk of the day. In the lobby of my building I noticed a teeny tiny mouse in the corner. Looking closer it was apparent that he (why I assign him male gender I don't know) was dead. After our walk I got a small box from my apartment and went down to get the poor little guy and remove him from the lobby. As I was walking down the sidewalk with the box toward the dumpster I came to the intersection of my two streets. I live in a very ecologically- and beautification-conscious neighborhood. It's not uncommon to see a neighbor with a 5-gallon bucket or grocery sack out picking up garbage, etc. 

But I digress. 

Neighbors have created small gardens in the square space at each of the four corners of the intersection where the right angle of the curbs meet the right angle of the sidewalks. Some have flowers, some have native prairie grasses. One neighbor made an herb garden at one corner, free for neighbors to use! In the Fall and Winter people leave the dead plants and leaves from the trees as cover for animals and for natural fertilizer in the Spring. Standing at the corner by one garden I realized this little mouse should be returned to nature. So I scooped some of the dead leaves and plants away and covered him up. I thought it was much more respectful than tossing him into a dumpster in a cardboard box.

Being the empath that I am, when I got back inside I got all choked up. Here was a little mouse minding his own business, living his life, and somehow he met his demise in my building's lobby. I felt so bad for him, but at the same time so good that I did something respectful for him in the end. It probably sounds silly, but for the rest of the evening I played more with Rufus than usual, held him a little tighter, petted him just the way he likes a little longer, and made sure he was all curled up and covered up at bedtime at my feet in the bed where he loves to sleep. I thought about that mouse all night and hoped he knew that someone cared enough to do something kind for him in the end. I've not shared this story with any friends. One, most wouldn't understand it. And two, most of them aren't attuned to the kind of empathy and compassion vibe enough like I am to NOT make fun of me for it. 

That little mouse was a wonderful reminder to me. We don't take time to care about anything. We're just a shitty species who thinks that everything here is for our convenience. That both angers me and disappoints me. I've decided in the Spring I'm going to commit to tending to one of the corner gardens in some way. A little beauty and love for my neighborhood, little critters, insects, and the plants themselves. My tribute to a tiny mouse that helped me not to forget a huge lesson.

The Loneliness of Meaning

Being an introvert and empath can be a lonely thing sometimes. I find myself now and then feeling lost, not knowing where to turn next or what to do next. Sometimes I feel that hole inside so strongly. Like this morning. I feel directionless. I feel so much of the gropingly desperate despair that's out there, all that forced adherence to what we as society have conditioned ourselves to. Right now it's all crowding in on me demanding my attention. I know what's fueling that, too, Suffice to say there are certain "empath triggers" that turn these deeper feelings of despair for humanity on, which in turn aggravates my introversion and empathic nature. Don't misuderstand, I enjoy being alone. I value my Me Time. Now and then, however it all seems desperate and well, pathetic. When I'm my dad's age, will I have spent my entire life alone? Will I have regrets about it? What will my life have meant? Will I have played it safe or will I have turned my back on conditioned society and gone my own way? Will it have been worth it? Today I honestly don't know the answer to those questions. I don't if there's even supposed be an answer. Probably not. The curiosity and pondering that seems to be inherent to humans is what really keeps us moving forward, isn't it? Perhaps I'm projecting in ways I don't need to. There's no need to ponder the future to the point of worry. Worry is a dividend paid to something that hasn't happened and may not. Fearful adherence, as I heard someone recently put it, is no good. But dammit, what does it all mean?!

Funny thing is, I know what the remedies for these times are. Writing, meditation, the gym, healthy eating, focusing on my conscious awareness, yoga, tai chi, or just great music filling up my living space. I've finally realized that in life the lessons never ends. It's an ongoing, lifelong thing. There is no destination, no arrival point, only stops along the way. I have to remember that. 

Golden Girls and Serenity

I went out last night to dinner with friends then to Golden Girls trivia night at a local bar. I had fun but looking around at the crowd I'm glad I'm not in that bar scene anymore.

I had two Old Fashioneds at dinner and a beer during the trivia game. It was just enough. I don’t like waking up fighting a hang over anymore. I’m too old for that. There was a time I’d have thought the world was coming to an end if I wasn’t out on "the scene." Now that idea is almost revolting. Being at home, snug in my sweats with good food, my dog Rufus, maybe some friends dropping by, waking up the next day well-rested and clear-headed, secure in where and who I am.

That’s the stuff right there.

The Ugly House

I just had a nice discussion with a friend about happiness. I asked him the simple question, "Are you happy?" That started a larger conversation in which I used a great metaphor to describe the self work I've been doing the past few years. It's no secret, and I don't shy away the fact, that I've been in therapy for several years now and it's been an incredible experience. I recommend it to anyone and everyone as a tool to help better understand one's self. I've combined that with my mindfulness, non-attachment, and conscious awareness practices as tools in my "Utility Belt" that I use daily. 

The metaphor for all this I used with my friend was that I am a house covered in decades of old, chipping, cracked, and gnarly paint. All the things I mentioned above are the tools that have become my paint scrapers. They help me to get rid of the layers of "old paint." Years of conditioning being removed with purpose and love to reveal the wonderful house underneath all the gunk.

Being

I always start my day not by asking, "What am I going to do today?" I always start my day by asking, "How am I going to be today?" 

It's surprising what an enormous difference a simple reframing of the question makes.

What Lies Beyond

One of my oldest and dearest friends has been facing the challenge of cancer that has spread to his bones (bone metastasis or "bone mets") that originated as prostate cancer. He faces this new challenge in his life with a sense of mindfulness, presence, and positive attitude. To those around him his attitude has been a balm for coming to terms with and accepting the (more than likely) inevitable conclusion of the situation. He messaged me this morning with an old quote of his he'd stumbled across. 

“At some point, the neural circuits will shut down, the lights of consciousness will wink out, and the long nighty-night will begin. And we will be freed from all human concerns by the gift of nonexistence. But until that point, we live still. After that point, we will be in precisely the same place we were before we were born. Not there, not anywhere and without a care.”

This is classic thought and attitude of my dear friend. I regret that his quote is spot-on. I regret what it means for all of us who will eventually leave behind those who have loved us and cherished our presence. It conjures questions and thoughts which have been pondered since time began. The curiosity of what lies beyond is titillating to say the least. We want to believe in something more. Everything we do has a beginning and an end. But those ends are always the beginnings of something else. We can't comprehend the notion of nothingness. Countless humans and histories have come before we joined this current one. Countless humans and histories will come after us. To try and wrap our brains around the notion that we will no longer "be" is difficult. To embrace that there may be nothing is onerous. It's not a dark room with no sound and all we have to do is open the door onto "the present." It's literally nothing. Can that possibly be? If we are energy beings in a particular form, and if energy can be neither created, or more importantly hopeful here, nor destroyed, do we transmogrify into something else? Sometime more? Something more "universal"? Are we caterpillars who become other-dimensional butterflies? Will we be able to observe old friends and loved ones "back here"? If "there" exists will we have emotions there? Will we join up with old friends and family who've been waiting for us in our new, possibly higher form? Do our energies attach to one another even in the wherever-that-may-be? I can't imagine that there will be emotions or thoughts as we know them. As sure as his quote says, we will most certainly be without a care. 

The Calm Inside the Storm

I have a very "settled" feeling today that I can't quite describe. It's a combination of self-awareness, mindfulness, a sense of inner security, and confidence. I "feel" the confidence to be relaxed, present, and a part of the flow of everything. All the puzzle pieces are fitting today. It feels "cozy" if that can be the word for it. Everything is vivid and intensely "now." 

It seems when I shut out the chaos of the outside is when I feel this way most. Even though I love them very much and we're all very close, in moments like these I don't want my friends around me. They will contaminate the moment with their lack of understanding or willingness to try and understand. People always try to sully what they don't understand. 

I'm incredibly secure and self-aware in this state. Everything is harmonious and "as it should be." While I can't know what the path ahead is, I can feel it and I know I'm on it to the degree I should be. It's another strange sensation that's hard to put into words. 

It's the calm inside the storm of the world around me. Shutting out the chaos and living in my internal harmony. It's welcoming, powerful, and snug.

Shifting the "I"

"We're quiet. We aren't dancing to the culture's drum. And we are silent inside. That silence is there so that we can hear our intuitive wisdom. This culture sees life as collecting experiences. But [awakening] is an emptying out and beginning to experience the moment, what's happening right now...

It's also the witness... You stand outside the action. Shifting perspective takes the suffering away... You are shifting the "I." When you get into "I" as the witness, you can experience your life as a movie. Then there is no more suffering. Because the soul doesn't suffer.

At the ego level, the sensory level, there is pain. But you aren't fighting it anymore, and you're not afraid of it, and that releases you from its grip..."

~Ram Dass~

Sunday Morning Serenity

I walked Rufus and it was one of those mornings where there was so little activity outside you'd swear overnight the world ended and you're the last person alive. It was dead quiet. Just me, my Frenchie, and the sunrise. Now I'm back in the house enjoying my morning coffee. No music. No television*. Just the growing day out the windows and peace and quiet. For the life of me I can't figure out why people are afraid of this kind of serenity.

*I don't own a television. I stream things I want to watch on my laptop. My total viewing time is about three to four hours a week. 

Of Hooks and Shenpas

Via my dear friend Dan.

"PEMA CHÖDRÖN: Someone criticizes you. They criticize your work or your appearance or your child. At moments like that, what is it you feel? It has a familiar taste in your mouth, it has a familiar smell. Once you begin to notice it, you feel like this experience has been happening forever.

The Tibetan word for this is shenpa. It is usually translated “attachment,” but a more descriptive translation might be “hooked.” When shenpa hooks us, we’re likely to get stuck. We could call shenpa “that sticky feeling.” It’s an everyday experience. Even a spot on your new sweater can take you there. At the subtlest level, we feel a tightening, a tensing, a sense of closing down. Then we feel a sense of withdrawing, not wanting to be where we are. That’s the hooked quality. That tight feeling has the power to hook us into self-denigration, blame, anger, jealousy and other emotions which lead to words and actions that end up poisoning us."

Deconditioning and Awakening the Deeper Self

A few weeks ago I started having feelings that there has to be more. Living in the shadow of COVID, the current political climate, mass shootings everywhere, climate change, and now Monkey Pox has me hesitant about so much. I've had a good many opportunities lately that when I'm honest with myself don't really interest me. For instance, I've had the chance to meet some very interesting and nice guys, but I can't get my interest to rev up in genuine ways. I'm not really interested to meet anyone new and not much interested in even a casual FWB. I want to be, but deep down inside the spirit just isn't there. I see guys out there meeting, fucking, meeting, and fucking and I wish so much I could be like them. Yet with everything going on in the world, I can't figure out how to get past my spiritual wounds. I'm jealous and wary, and I don't want to be either. This leaves me with an emptiness, a feeling like there has to be more. This can't be all there is. What in the world does "it" all mean? I feel I'm searching for something and looking in the wrong places. I see so many going through life just going through the motions. They don't feel. They don't seem to be self-aware. It feels to me like they're all looking externally for satisfaction and happiness.

All this has made for a very strange yet eye-opening morning for me. I fully realize the world is changing dramatically on a global level and on a "personal world" level as well. I'm full aware of the changes occurring both externally and internally. Each day lately it seems I'm uncovering more about myself. Falsehoods I've spent a life believing and letting control me. People, places, and things I can do without. I'm fully aware that I'm in the midst of some type of spiritual culling. It leaves me feeling empty. I've created a void in doing this and now there's a hole that is asking to be filled. Not an addiction hole, but a spiritual one.

What I believed were some of my truths I'm discovering were not at all. They weren't solid and grounded. It was all false ideas conditioned into me either by myself or others. It is, however, a nice place to be right now. All at once it's exhilarating to be able to recognize and purge. It's also a little frightening to be out on this ledge, so to speak. It's also a little deflating and depressing, realizing the enormity of this massive reevaluation and reorganization. I have this sense of being left holding an empty bag again. I recognize that this can also be very positive. I get to choose how to fill the bag this time. The filling isn't dictated by anyone else. It's not conditioning I was raised to believe in. That's the where the empty feeling comes in. It borders on being directionless. I realize this moment can spin either positive or negative. I have to be self-aware enough about what's going on to make sure past beliefs and behaviors don't manifest in a different disguise. I can the bag with worthwhile things; mindfulness, meditation, more self-awareness, a deeper love of my essence and spirit and how that translates externally. More "adult" things that I can carry with confidence and pride from what is the wrapping up of my Second Act and into my Third.

Song of Myself

I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journeywork of the stars,
And the pismire is equally perfect, and a grain of sand, and the egg of the wren,
And the tree-toad is a chef-d’oeuvre for the highest,
And the running blackberry would adorn the parlors of heaven,
And the narrowest hinge in my hand puts to scorn all machinery,
And the cow crunching with depress’d head surpasses any statue,
And a mouse is miracle enough to stagger sextillions of infidels.”
― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself, 31

The Beauty of Simplicity

My friend Dan posted this quote this morning on Facebook:

"There is hidden beauty in the ordinary, and great beauty in the overlooked. Little things are big, less is more. Imperfection is beautiful. Paradoxes such as these fascinate me."
— Abby Ross

Isn't that the truth! He and I have had these kinds of conversations more than once. Coffee in my favorite chair in the quiet of the morning as the sun is coming up is one of my favorite simplicities. No cars yet. No noise. No work. No squawking news. Just coffee, me, and the sunrise. When you get into and/or achieve that mindset, the ordinary world around takes on profound beauty. A bee moving from flower to flower, trees rustling in the wind, rain on the pavement; they all let us know we're part of something incredibly larger and uncomplicated. That's the beauty part, if we understand how to recognize it, embrace it, and let it embrace us.

Cosmic Comfort

With all the James Webb excitement this week I've been thinking. What if someday we did receive messages from another civilization somewhere in the galaxy? Sadly they'd be too far away to communicate in real time with. And that's okay, I think. In an odd way knowing we could never meet but finally knowing we aren't alone, and that there are other beings out there just as curious as we are is comfort enough.

The Respect of the Universe

One of the James Webb telescope's images is this one (left.) In this picture the galaxy in the blue circle is 2 billion light years away. If you traveled the speed of light, it would take you 2 billion years to get there. You'd actually never get there. That image is where the galaxy was 2 billion years ago. If you started now you'd have to travel double that speed. In other words, we will never know what's going on over there in our neighbor's house. There may not even be anyone home, but that's doubtful.

And this telescope captured an image so clear and precise you can see the individual spiral arms of it (right.) I'm an Atheist. I do not believe in God or any sort of supernatural higher power. I'm also a science lover and my profound sense of awe and wonder in these images comes from an empirical data perspective.

Others are quite different. Their sense of awe and wonder come from a religious perspective. Who would I be to criticize that or attempt to steal their joy of this moment simply because we believe differently?

That said, this must be a moment where we all look out to the universe together in the same wonder and awe regardless of religion or beliefs. Jewish, Muslim, Christian, Agnostic, Atheist, and so many more, those are simply layers on top of the core sense of wonder. I stand in the Cosmos in the same stature as gas giants, comets, quasars, black holes, sparrows, dandelions, nebulae, other forms of life in other galaxies, and dark matter. We are all children of the universe. 

I for one will respect another's wonder as I would hope they would respect mine. Our reverence of our universe is the same.

Ego Strength

I've finally assembled several pieces of my self-work together into a smoldering of sorts revelation It's not a James Joyce Flash of Epiphany, although sometimes they do happen to me that way. This is just sitting back and relaxing enough to allow the pieces to assemble themselves. Watching it fold into my ever-evolving self is an aspect self-awareness that is a joy to observe. That said...

My latest revelatory thought is that I can't be around folks with little to no ego strength. The APA Dictionary of Psychology defines ego strength as:

"...the ability of the ego to maintain an effective balance between the inner impulses of the id, the superego, and outer reality. An individual with a strong ego is thus one who is able to tolerate frustration and stress, postpone gratification, modify selfish desires when necessary, and resolve internal conflicts and emotional problems before they lead to neurosis."

My definition is much simpler. Ego strength is being able to exist in a situation that isn't always be about me. Having the self-confidence to ask how someone's day was without being disappointed if they don't ask me in return. Being interested in someone's work, hobby, a moment in their personal life, how the other person's family is, and especially having a deep
enough sense of self to apologize sincerely when wrong. In order to receive we must give. And paradoxically the more we give the more we receive. 

People with ego strength know when it's about them, and know when it's not. When you know what it is and have it, ego strength is one of the most centering, grounding things there is. And you can immediately recognize those that don't have it. And you can especially recognize those that fake it. Once you have this revelation, this sense of authenticity, there's no turning it off for convenience. You literally see the world in a completely different way. And it's liberating. 

The Message of the Hosta

I woke up early this morning and decided to take a walk before before walking the dog. The weight of this week's Supreme Court decision and a few other personal things have been weighing more than heavily on my mind. On my way out the door for my walk I noticed this Hosta.

It's always been there. Steadfast in its beauty like a silent, loving doorman bidding me safe travels as I leave and welcoming me home when I return  with its brilliant greens and beautiful flowers. It was a kind and gentle reminder that in these nationally and personally trying times there is such simple, elegant beauty all around to lift us up and remind us to never give up hope; proceed with a kind and gentle spirit. The beauty of nature and its messages are all around us. Not for us to take, but for us to share in and be a part of. We would do well to take slow, mindful walks each day, notice the beauty around us, and accept the gift that's being offered us. 

The Peace and Quiet of Peace and Quiet

A year and a half ago I decided to not have a television anymore. If I want to watch something I stream it through my laptop. My generous estimate is that I watch maybe two or three hours of programs a week. I have no TV squawking mindlessly in the background to distract me. I stream music either through my laptop or my Amazon Echos. Most days it's a welcome stimulation, and some days I don't feel like having anything playing. On those days the peace and quiet is wonderful. This morning, for instance, I don't feel like having music playing and it's gratifying to just be with me and my thoughts, nothing more. The restful and rejuvenating quality of that and the increase in my mindfulness is so enriching.

I've always been apprehensive of those who can't do that; people who always need some kind of noise going on. What are they afraid they'll find if they just sit quietly with themselves?

To Be Happy...

A neighbor posted this on Facebook and I thought it was very much worth sharing.

"You can have flaws, be anxious and even be angry, but do not forget that your life is the greatest enterprise in the world. Only you can stop it from failing. You are appreciated, admired and loved by so many. Remember that being happy is not about having a sky without storm, a road without accidents, a job without effort, a relationship without disappointments.

"To be happy means to find strength in forgiveness, hope in battles, security in fear, love in discord. It's not only to enjoy the smile, but also to reflect on the sadness. It's not just about celebrating success; it's about learning from failures. It's not just about feeling happy with applause, it's about being happy in anonymous. Being happy is not a fatality of fate, but an achievement for those who can travel within themselves.

“To be happy is to stop feeling like a victim and become the author of your own fate. It's walking through deserts but being able to find an oasis deep in the soul. Being thankful every morning for the miracle of life. Being happy is not being afraid of your feelings and being able to talk about yourself. Have the courage to hear a “no” and find confidence in criticism, even when it’s unwarranted. It’s kissing your children, cuddling your parents, having poetic moments with your friends, even when they hurt us.

“Being happy is letting the creature that lives in each of us live, free, joyful and simple. You have the maturity to be able to say: ‘I've made mistakes.’It's having the courage to say I'm sorry. It's having the sense to say ‘I need you.’ Is having the ability to say ‘I love you.’ May your life become a garden of opportunities for happiness... that in spring he may be a lover of joy and in winter a lover of wisdom.

"And when you make a mistake, start over. Because only then will you be in love with life. You'll discover that being happy isn't having a perfect life. But use tears to irrigate tolerance. Use your defeats to train your patience.

"Use your mistakes with the serenity of the sculptor. Use pain to tune into pleasure. Use obstacles to open the windows of intelligence. Never give up. Above all never give up on the people that love you. Never give up on being happy, because life is an incredible spectacle."

Appreciation and the Almond Croissant

I've been learning to appreciate my appreciation of things. The other day I had an almond croissant and a cup of super strong, super black coffee with just a splash of Half and Half. I've always appreciated that morning treat, but I've never really stopped to 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 it: appreciating the appreciation. I think it has a lot to do with my awareness of and deep sense of satisfaction from simple, uncomplicated things. "Less is more" is a powerful truth. The other part of that is mindfulness. Learning to not only be fully cognizant of the moment one is in but to recognize its ability to ground and satisfy is a skill worth its weight in gold. All that from an almond croissant and coffee.

JOMO

 I can't love this enough!

A Life Truly Lived

"A life that is being truly lived is constantly burning away the veils of illusion, gradually revealing the essence of the individual."

— Marion Woodman

The Echo of Ocean Waves

I've been having all my Amazon Echo Dots playing "Ocean Waves Ambient Sounds" throughout the apartment for several days and nights. Do I feel more serene and centered because of it? Or is it a kind of placebo effect? Ultimately it doesn't matter, actually. It helps me establish the mood and centeredness I'm striving for.

Moving Forward

As the pandemic has eased considerably, here are wise words to keep in mind going forward.

“Historically, pandemics have forced humans to break with the past and imagine their world anew. This one is no different. It is a portal, a gateway between one world and the next. We can choose to walk through it, dragging the carcasses of our prejudice and hatred, our avarice, our data banks and dead ideas, our dead rivers and smoky skies behind us. Or we can walk through lightly, with little luggage, ready to imagine another world. And ready to fight for it.”
— Arundhati Roy

And when the danger passed...

As the pandemic seems to be easing some and things are beginning to return to some kind of a "normal" please remember this and all the other things we've learned.

"And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.

"And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. 

And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed." 

— Kitty O'Meara

The Strength of Introverts

 

We're told that quiet is 'boring' and 'loud' is fun."
— Sena Shimotsuma, "The Strengths of Introverts"

If you're an introvert like me, I highly recommend checking out some of Sena Shimotsuma's videos. He's incredibly insightful and has a unique perspective that I appreciate. Click on the image above for the link to his "The Strength of Introverts" video the above quote is from. Enjoy.

Messages From the Hypnopompic World

There are two states of consciousness I love and pay attention to. One is the hypnagogic state, the transitional state from wakefulness to sleep. The other state is the hypnopompic state which is the opposite, the transitional state from sleep to wakefulness. During each of these "threshold consciousness" states several mental phenomena such as hallucination, lucid thought, lucid dreaming, sleep paralysis, and even auditory hallucinations can occur. For me both states are very important to pay attention to. Some of my most clear and profound thinking comes during the hypnagogic state, and even more so during the hypnopompic. 

That said, this morning around 4.15am while deep in the hypnopompic a simple statement entered my mind. "Live your truth." Of course I know there wasn't anyone beside the bed whispering in my ear. Nor was there anyone from some kind of spirit world planting notions in my brain. The mental clutter from yesterday and the clutter of today had yet to muddy the mental waters, so clear and simple thinking was able to come to the fore. I realized in that hypnopompic moment the simplicity and profundity of that statement and how many levels it moves in. There is the overall truth. The basic character and code of beliefs by which I strive to live each day. There is also the "temporary" truth, the one by which I live moment to moment as situations present themselves and the overall "code of conduct" applies itself. Examples of that could be holding the door open for an elderly person entering the store, being patient with my dog, Rufus, if he happens to pee on the kitchen floor, etc, etc. 

I hadn't considered the micro applications of living one's truth until this morning's hypnopompic revelation, only the macro ones. I've always been aware of the big picture but I've never realized these principles can exsit on a micro, minute-to-minute, second-to-second levels as well. As I drifted back into REM sleep I realized how fully I am living my truth.

Moral of the story: Pay attention to things that go on in the hypnagogic and hypnopompic states. There is much to learn there.  

COVID Dreams and Crumbled Empires

I had my first COVID dream last night. I was going from pharmacy to pharmacy looking for at-home test kits. Every time someone grabbed the last one right as I was reaching for it. 

The employees in each pharmacy all had a "what does it matter now" attitude. The entire dream had a very dystopian feel to it, like I was living in the rubble of a crumbled empire. Go figure. 

The Marvel of Produce

In August of last year I decided to start eliminating meat from my diet. I won't go into all the reasons here. I'll save all the details for another posting. In short, I looked at my dog and realized what I was doing to other creatures, and family history of various maladies. These things were my motivators. That said...

One thing I'm finding becoming vegetarian/vegan (I'm still deciding which one works best for me) is the incredible range of colors, textures, and tastes there are. The grocery where I shop has a massive fruit and produce section, almost a third of the store! Sometimes I just stand there and marvel at all the beautiful variety and richness. One of my favorite things to do is buy vegetables or fruit I've not had before. Bringing it home and trying some new recipe with it is a wonderful adventure. 

And then I pass the meat section and it's all one color. Red. And sometimes you can see the blood in the tray the meat is sitting in. I realized the other day that beef basically has one flavor. One can jazz it up with different flavorings or cooking techniques, but in the end it's still just beef. Same with chicken. There's just not enough variety to marvel at or stimulate my senses in the way all the different vegetables and fruit do.