The Full Moon and the Cosmic Family Tree

I woke up around 2am and found the brilliant full moon watching me through my window. I felt like somehow we were having a very private, intimate exchange going on. It's been patiently waiting for me to wake up. Our unspoken exchange was an acknowledgment and appreciation for one another.

“I’m here watching over you. You can go back to sleep now. You’re safe and everything will be okay. I promise.”

"Thank you."

I not only realized but could feel a profound truth in that moment. The moon and I, as well as every grain of sand on every beach, every tree, every bird, every bacterium, every molecule in the Universe, we are after all relatives. Each of us born of the same stuff. We are siblings on the Cosmic Family Tree. I fell back to sleep comforted in the knowledge that we are all truly One.

The Message of the Trees

I've always had an affinity for trees. They are living creatures just as much and you, me, and every other living thing on the planet. When I take my walks I always touch as many as I can. I like to think they recognize my touch and welcome my acknowledgement of them. I call them our Silent Sentinels. I was sitting in a fast food drive thru one afternoon this past Fall. My sunroof was open and I heard the tree in this video rustling in the breeze. This tree was talking. Sending out its message for all to hear. They are a wise species with eons of insights to share with us. If we listen.

Fork in the Road

I'm at an interesting fork in the road here lately. I've become more keenly aware of old thinking being replaced by new, older age mentalities. What once seemed of paramount importance to me and the center of my dynamic is being replaced by something more gentle and serene.

As an example, men and sex. I see men at my gym that are simply beautiful. Some I could easily categorize as stunning. I'm becoming more aware of the sense that it's more rewarding to look and admire than to have. The simple, unfiltered beauty of them to me is like admiring a beautiful tree or sunset. I don't necessarily think about fucking them. In my maturing mind I somehow think it would tarnish the view if all there was about them was just another sexual conquest. As gay men (and maybe straight men, too?) we have this "fuck and conquer" mentality. We don't steal paintings we consider masterpieces. So why this need to fuck EVERY beautiful man you see? Sit back and enjoy the view. Relish in the ability to be aware enough to know this.

And that is the fork-in-the-road mentality I'm at. One direction is all about the conquest, more notches in the bedpost. And the other is the joy I get from knowing I'm an aware enough person to realize it.

More notches in the bedpost don't necessarily make for a very fulfilling life. It just makes for a weaker bed frame.

The Machine of the Universe

I had a very nice "moment of presence" at the gym this morning. The sun was just beginning to peek over the building (my gym's windows face west), and it was shimmering on a huge tree at the end of the parking lot. Every leaf seemed bright and vivid and intensely alive. The music I was listening to on my iPhone was the album, "Om: The Primordial Sound".* It's very meditative and puts me in a nice relaxed and focused zone. At the very moment the music hit a dramatic spot a flock of birds careened in front of the patch of leaves I described above. They shimmered for a brief moment in the sunlight as well. In that nanosecond it almost felt as if I wasn't in the gym, but away and part of some larger whole. My place in it fit like some tooth in a gear meshing with the notches in another gear. A tiny but integral cog in the machine of the universe. It was one of those moments where everything falls away and it's just you and the experience. In that brief flash you know beyond a doubt you are an integral part of something much bigger. *I highly recommend this album. It can be found on iTunes for those interested.